Greetings boys and ghouls and girls and ghosts and goblins!
Halloween is the best time of the year. You get to pretend you are something other than the disappointing crazy person that you are the rest of the year. I’m probably going to dress up as an adult this year. It’s so fun!
In honor of this great, transformative time, we’re having a SPOOKY sale. With ghosts and shit. The prices are so low, they are scary, because you have a phobia of savings, weirdo. Sorry, that was rude. I love you.
The Anxiety Machine catalog can provide the perfect sounds for your imperfect Hallow’s Eve bash. Let’s take a look at the spooky records:
Gay Kiss - Dumpster Rules: This is scary as hell. Nothing is scarier than putting out your first record, except for skeletons and your own mortality. These sounds will make you scream in terror!
Seas Will Rise - Disease is Our Refrain: This record is TERRIFYING! It’s about the end of the world or something. In case you didn’t know, you live on the world. That makes the world ending a scary prospect.
ROAR - I Can’t Handle Change: Change is horrifying!!! There’s some shit going on with Phil Spector and the artwork looks like a cryptkeeper or haunted house man. Party-goers will flee in terror!
Dogbreth - Get Out: Abandon all hope, ye who Get Out (that’s a play on a famous phrase FYI). This one isn’t really that scary actually. BooOOOOOoooOOOoooo!
Gay Kiss - Fault: Here’s a real scary record. It came out on the day the world was supposed to end last year. The fact that we survived and continue to exist is very unsettling.
So, buy some stuff! These records make great Hallow’s Eve stocking-stuffers, or you can hand them out to those shitty teens that go trick or treating in just a mask. Maybe they will stop listening to haircut metal. Maybe you will help them improve their lives.
Also I’m announcing a couple releases soon. ~~~HaUnTeD ReLeAsEs~~~